SUPER HOT VALENTINES DAY!!!

Ok, this has nothing to do with Valentine's Day, the events simply happened on it. Last night, Dewey and I were watching "Man Vs Food" from the Netflix instant queue and decided to watch the San Jose episode. For those not familiar, it is a show about a guy that goes from town to town taking on extreme eating challenges like the Amarillo, Texas steak challenge, hot dog eating contests, etc... The San Jose episode ends with him going to Smoke Eaters in San Jose, and restaurant that has an extreme challenge in eating really hot wings. I thought it would be an awesome idea to take on the challenge, so the next day, we set out to San Jose where I would do something incredibly stupid and Dewey would chronicle it.

Now, to explain how hot these wings are .... well first look at this picture.

The wings are made with a ton of cayenne peppers, house hot sauce, duck sauce, hot BBQ sauce, and a ton of habenero peppers. They told me the mix makes for half a habenero pepper for each wing. The rules were as follows:

1. I have 10 minutes to eat all 12 of the wings. No meat left on the bones and no sauce either.

2. At no point during the ordeal may I drink anything, eat anything else, or use any napkins to wipe myself clean.

3. After they are eaten, I must lick the remaining sauce off my fingers.

4. After the first three steps, I must remain seated without drinking, eating, or using napkins for an additional five minutes to endure the pain.

Now I have done the blazin' challenge at Buffalo Wild Wings easily, but I was honestly not prepared for this. As you can see, the wings are served so there is possibly more sauce than wings. I had to go fishing in sauce to find wings I hadn't eaten. Needless to say, I signed the waiver to attempt it and it was on.

I was excited, and the fact that less than 20% of the people that take on the "Hellfire" challenge actually complete it didn't scare me at all. So I dug in. I started fast and the first wing was down, no problem. Unfortunately, when I started on the second wing, that's when the pain hit me like an angry badger clawing at me. I continued on and within seconds after the third wing, my eyes welled with tears, my nose wouldn't stop running, and the intense burn covered my hands, mouth, and face.

Fortunately, I had the crowd on my side. I didn't see more than five people in the restaurant when I started, but suddenly there were twenty people cheering me on. Apparently they see people try this all the time, and a few have even tried and failed. They were excited to see someone put himself through the pain, and that fool was me.

By wing number six, my hands went numb. I felt like an eighty year old stroke victim and I had to hold the wings in my hands that wouldn't stretch out all the way. On top of that, the pain was insanely unbearable. I clearly didn't respect the Hellfire Challenge going into it, and now it wasn't respecting me. Snot, sweat, saliva, and tears were flowing like the Mississippi and I pushed on. At a certain point, Dewey thought I was going to yakk, and I thought it was possible as well. I was getting to the point where I wasn't even chewing the meat and just swallowing it to finish.

With everyone cheering me on, I made it through by thinking, "If I quit, it will still burn like hell." So I kept on burning like hell. I had one minute to go and two wings left. I was trying to pace myself so I could finish as close to the buzzer as possible. That's when the lovely waitress turned into a nazi stickler for the rules and told me I had to not only finish in less than a minute, but I had to lick the sauce off my fingers as well. And she also pointed out that that last wing still had a tiny piece of meat on it. With her literally counting down from ten, I finished like MacGuyver disarming a bomb at the last second.

Then I went into a state of painful zen. I closed my eyes, held out my hands, and waited five painful minutes. That was the easy part. The bar applauded, then went back to their business, and I bee-lined for the bathroom and used the entire supply of paper towels in there and ran half my body under cold water.

After that, I sprinted back to the bar and drank beers to soothe the pain and then sat uncontrollably shaking until the pain subsided...thirty minutes later. Needless to say, I completed the foolish challenge, won a t-shirt, my photo on the wall, and feel like I never have to do that again. So that was my "hottest" V-Day ever.

Year of the Tiger!!!!!!!!

So the night started with drinks. As it sometimes does. And I started chanting "year of the tiger!!!!" everywhere I went. As I usually find, if you find a theme for your occasion out, your chances of meeting people drastically increase. For Christmas, we wore ugly X-mas sweaters and my roommate is still dating the girl he met that night. So Dewey and I decided tonight was the "year of the tiger night." We made people cheers to it, dance to it, and any other excuse to get it involved.

So after an already solid night out at the pubs, we are thinking of leaving until two women walk in and my roommate says "I'm gonna go act a fool." He walks up and his pick up line is literally "so we're out for the year of the tiger, what are you here for?" Needless to say, I have an Asian girl's number in my phone. Her name: Lily. Her entry in my phone: Tiger Lily.

I'd say it was a good beginning to the year of the tiger.

Vikings-Saints LIVE Blog!!!

8:47pm - after an hour and a half of anger, broken beer bottles in the street, contemplation and more anger. I got a laugh out of wikipedia's page on the Vikings "In disappointing fashion, strangely - and, for Vikings' fans, painfully - reminiscent of the 1998 overtime loss to the Atlanta Falcons, the Vikings lost the NFC Championship game to an NFL Officiating team in overtime on January 24, 2010 by a score of 31-28." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Vikings
While I'd love to blame the loss sorely on anyone but the Vikings, 5 turnovers never helps your case.

7:16pm - and so the curse continues....

7:14pm - Alright, if you're going to call that B.S. pass interference call, you can't give them that catch.

7:03pm Text message I just sent out "No...I'm not ok..."

6:56pm - dammit. I would have picked heads too.

6:53pm - "Another loss by a missed field goal would kill me" Well a Brett Favre interception could be the second worse thing.

6:45pm

6:42pm - "The Vikings have been 0-4 in NFC championship games since their 1977 superbowl loss" SHUT THE **** UP JOE BUCK!!!

6:34pm - 28 - 28...please don't let it be false hope. I have never seen the promised land in my day...

6:21pm - There was the moment. That defining moment where it might be the end of the game. The fumble in the red zone by Bernard Berrian right after he made the huge third down catch. I felt my stomach scooped out like a cold lump of icecream. A miracle needs to happen now.

6:10pm - I guess fumbilitis is contagious. Saints 28 - Vikes 21 (replay pending). Things are not looking good. I feel like the Eagles minus a superbowl loss. Game isn't over, but we need a f***ing miracle. I've turned into a chain smoker, alcoholic, and ate an entire pizza this game. I think the Vikings have taken a decade off of my life.

6:03pm - I am officially crapping myself right now. Tie game and Brett Favre is clearly not going ot be 100% the rest of the game. That means one of four things:
a) we are going to have to make AP carry the game, and he is clearly not in prime form.
b) we are going to make Favre carry the game, and he is prone to Favre mistakes now.
c) The defense is going to have to hold New Orleans to no more points.
d) Tavaris Jackson is going to .... never mind, there are three things.

5:55pm - Can I stop hearing about AP's handshake and how strong it is? Clearly a strong handshake doesn't have anything to do with fumbling, cause captain fumblitis needs to carry the ball with two hands.

5:50pm - The sprint commercial with Flava Flav came on and my roommate commented "This is 2010. Why doesn't he have a digital clock yet?"

5:45pm - Ok, this new John Travolta movie (From Paris with Love) looks bad...like Swordfish bad. I'm adding it to my Netflix queue now.

5:40pm - I think I've yelled out "PENIS FLASHER" three times in the last minute with our door open and the neighbors looking on in shock. AP 2 fumbles and 2 TDs. How much you want to bet he determines the game.

5:30pm - ...ok, time to wake up defense. You just gave that to them. Saints 21 Vikes 14

5:09pm - Thank you, Reggie Bush. .... Damn you AP.

4:58pm - So I can tell Dewey and I have been enjoying the game a bit much. In the first quarter, we could pull off a mean high-five. Now, I made the mistake of throwing in a surprise fist pound. Dewey put up the high-five and confusion was amiss. The next time one of us put up the fist pound and the other put up a five. Mid-stream we both switched to pull off yet another pound-five connection.

4:44pm - So far, this has been an awesome game. As a fan, it is exciting and gut-wrenching. All I know is, if we lose by a missed field goal, I may never recover from it.

4:24pm - It's going to boil down to who can get the most defensive stops (holy hell, I sound like John Madden). It's going to be a boat race, and boat races make me nervous and nautious. Life is like this when you are a fan of a cursed franchise.

4:20pm - Over-under on Saints scoring in the last 2 min of the 1st quarter. You wouldn't give me even odds?

4:17pm - Thank you refs for some generous calls. And Brett Favre for taking some mean hits. Vikes 14 Jets 7. I officially do not take any lead in this game for granted. It could be a 20 point lead going into the 4th quarter and I would still be nervous if I was either team.

4:02pm - GJHLJKSDDJHSGKJHDGSKJHGWYUUYHKBS Vikes 7 Saints 7.

I see how it's going to be...

3:55pm - AHAHahsjsdkjasdhfljksdfkwljhrljssdfd. Vikes 7 Saints 0

3:45pm - opening kickoff coming. They say you do stuff like eat and drink uncontrollably when you are nervous. I've eaten an entire Domino's pizza by myself and am five beers deep.

3:40pm - So far so good. Pants on the ground guy didn't sing the national anthem.

3:15pm - FINAL SCORE Indy 30 - Jets 17. Jets had a good run, but this is Peyton's year. I am terrified of the possibility of meeting up with them. I am also terrified of New Orleans. I don't think anyone really knows who is going to win. Both teams do several things extremely well, so it makes for an exciting game. I am a handful of beers deep and ready to start screaming at my TV. As for the comment on Favre vs Manning. Lets not get there yet. Favre vs Brees is just as big a match-up. Both players have something to prove towards their legacy.

Dewey just turned off the pre-game to play modern warfare 2. Normally I'd object, but I feel like I am going to hear the announcers jinx the game by talking about how Brett Farve doesn't throw interceptions this year and the pants on the ground guy. A lot of people have asked why I don't watch these "big" playoff games with other people at playoff parties or go to a bar. I'll tell you why: other people are annoying to watch games with if they aren't fans of your team. To some degree, even Vikings fans are annoying to deal with. I don't want consoling if we are losing. I don't want band-wagon fans if we are winning. And most of all, I don't want to let them see me cry.

2:25pm - Indy 20 Jets 17. Not looking good for the Jets. Anytime you give Peyton a lead, it means he will most likely beat you in the last 2 Minutes. Dewey is back and cracking beers with me. We should be riled up enough to get our Asian neighbors to stare through their windows after we start yelling at the TV by the time our game starts.

As for Thomas' comment, Visanthe Shiancoe is the "Pants on the floor" player. During a post game locker room shot on live television, apparently everyone missed the fact that Shiancoe had nothing on except his monster black mamba hanging out. For that reason, any time he catches the ball, Dewey and I yell out "penis flasher!" at the bar. It is always funny to scream that out.

1:32pm - Jets 17 - Colts 13 at the half. So has anyone heard the song Prince wrote for the Viking's playoff run? It is awful. Like flat terrible. It sounds like a church hymn. I am no fan of pants of the floor guy, and can't even see why he is funny, but please play pants on the floor before you play that Prince piece of trash.

1:21pm - New York Jets are for real I guess. Jets 17 - Indy 6. I still am not counting out Peyton, but this is not encouraging for the Colts. Looks like they should have gone for that perfect season.

*** For those wondering, I have decided to post new posts at the top from now on. I think this makes it easier for everyone***

1:03pm - Indy field goal, Jets 7 Indy 6. Just heard "pants on the ground" guy is at the game for MN. And have visual proof...good sign or no? http://twitpic.com/zkxqt And Jets are back in the red zone!!! How is Indy losing to them? That said, I'd rather play Jets than Indy in a superbowl.

12:49pm - Wow, 80 yard touchdown pass to Braylon "slippery hands" Edwards. Jets 7 Colts 3. Might be a decent opening game. Ok, so for those that don't know, the Vikings have had a very ...unfortunate history when it comes to winning. As fans, we have very fragile attitudes towards our team and always expect the worst. Being pessimistic about your team doesn't mean your a bad fan. It just means you've had a lot of heartbreak. It's like having a girlfriend cheat on you. If you are paranoid about knowing where she is all the time, it doesn't mean you are overbearing if there is just cause for it. So, now for the Viking's greatest misses in my lifetime: 1998 - This is obviously the biggest heartbreaker. The vikes were supposed to steamroll everyone to their first superbowl. In the NFC Championship game versus Atlanta, our kicker who had not missed a field goal all season misses the game winner. I mean, this is a guy that did not miss one field goal ALL SEASON, and he misses the only important one. It was the single biggest sucker punch to a Vikings fan...ever. 2001 - Vikes go to the NFC Championship game again, lose 41-0. This is essentially the last time they had a realistic chance at the Superbowl until now. Vikings fan go into a period of mourning. 2005 - Franchise quarterback Daunte Culpepper goes to my dad for some legal work in adopting a child. My father gets me a signed football for a birthday gift. Later in the season, Daunte Culpepper tears all 3 CL's in his knee. The value of that football plummets. If it were a stock, I would have lost everything. 2005-2008 QBs - Bring on a short era of inept quarterbacks: Brad Johnson, Gus Frerotte, Brooks Bollinger, and Tavaris Jackson. Bleh. 2009 - hope...

12:43pm (PST) - Just settling in on the man-couch with a case of beer, bag of doritos, and the Colts-Jets game. Pizza incoming for the Vikes game. Dewey is going to the gym quickly so he can somewhat justify his body. Indy just got the first score of the game Indy 3, Jets 0. This live blog thing is new to me, so feel free to comment and I'll try and respond. Please don't correct me on grammer/spelling either, because as the day goes on, it will get worse.

Live Blog Coming Soon!!!

This week had a demanding Sunday for me that involved a vat of Nachos, a beerathon, and most importantly a Vikings dismantling of the Cowboys. Next Sunday will be a lot more of the same. I felt like the viewing experience was worth documenting, so this coming Sunday, there will be blog with live updates during the Vikings game.

It will not so much contain details of the game, but rather the mental state of my roommate Dewey and I. Since the game starts at 3:40pm Pacific (5:40 Central), so expect live updates starting slightly before then. I will be an emotional trainwreck and my liver will hate me too. If I get it together enough, there will be some pictures posted during the game as well. Hopefully this live blog experiment will be entertaining for anyone bored enough to check in.

See you all Sunday...SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!!!!!! Kids get in for just FIVE DOLLARS!!!!

Tales of a Barista

Tales of a Barista:
As a Starbucks employee...damn I hate saying that out loud... anyways, as a member of the green apron clan, we are marked as people of the community. People come into the store and know us by name. Literally, a third of the customers or more know our names (and we don't wear name tags). And we know what drinks they are going to order every single day. They know what's going on in our lives at a superficial level and vice versa. I still don't think me being a staple of the local community should have brought this upon me.

Me: Hi, what would you like today?
Girl: A piece of cinnamon swirl coffee cake.
Me: Anything else I can do for you?
Girl: Make my aunt be alive again.

What...what the ****?!?

Me: Uhhh.... (looooooonng awkward pause) I can't do that, but here's your cinnamon cake.
Girl: Her wake is tomorrow. They don't know if she died the day before or the day of Christmas. No one had heard from her in a couple week. Isn't that sad that she may have died before her last Christmas?

Now I know she is dead serious (pun intended). On top of that, I don't have the heart to tell her that her late aunt's last Christmas was over a year ago if that's the case.

Me: Uhhh...(awkward fake smile)
Girl: Now you're going to make me cry...

Mind you, I have not said one thing on the subject of her dead aunt, in fact, I'm trying everything I can to hustle this poor girl away from my register.

Me: So it'll be $1.95 for the cake.


Tips. Tips are nice, but honestly, I don't think barista's necessarily deserve big tips (i.e. 10%). If you have a complicated drink or a large order, then sure, tips are nice. It's not like we are delivering food or catering to your refill needs every second. We essentially have the same job as a Dairy Queen employee (if you don't know, no, they don't get tips), but like I said, tips are nice. So here is a breakdown of people who are good and bad tippers generally:

Don't count on it:
Families that come in after 1pm
Black people
"Far East" Asians
kids

Spare change only:
Old women
Italians
young women

Either really big or really little, but at least they usually tip:
Middle Eastern
Other Asians (Indian, Pakistani)
White people
other Starbucks employees (actually, place them under good tips or none at all and they usually order 7 complicated drinks)
Hispanics (I'm surprised too, but overall I'd say they tip better than white people ONLY if they aren't ordering regular coffee.)

Constantly Good Tippers:
People early in the morning
Old men if an attractive female barista is working
the one lady I think is Russian

Yes, there are exceptions to the rules. A nice "Far East" Asian girl gave me a $10 tip today because I didn't charge her the day before when she forgot her wallet. An old white guy didn't tip me a red cent even though I did the same thing for him the day before as well. But for the most part, stereotypes do have some foundation to them.

Scattered Thoughts

Scattered Thoughts:

Saw Slumdog Millionaire finally. I think the movie would have been better if he had been cheating. ***SPOILER ALERT*** Oh, a string of coincidences on his exciting life story leading to him having all the right answers and then he guesses the right answer on the one he doesn't know and gets the girl. Now I know why girls love this movie. The same reason they love Titanic and the Twilight movies. That said, it was still a decent flic.

The best Christmas album is the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack. I have been listening to it a lot lately and just dig how fresh it sounds years after the fact, and it isn't annoying as hell like 90% of holiday music. You all know I hate the Paul McCartney Wonderful Christmas Time song, but another awful one I heard the other day was Jack Johnson singing Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Do we really need a surfer singing a chillax song about a radioactive deer in a snowstorm? No. And it sounds like all his other stuff, which is essentially a variation of the same thing. One song that really should bother me but doesn't. www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA8UHeoYHQM I really don't have a good explanation for why I like it either.

I'm watching the Dexter season 4 finale tonight. I won't ruin anything for those that haven't seen it yet, but John Lithgow is fantastic this season as a monster serial killer. I feel like before this season I forgot he could really act. It seems like most of my exposure to Lithgow prior to this has been 3rd Rock and Cliffhanger. I thought he just overacted all the time. I was wrong.

Also extremely excited for the last season of Lost.

Not excited about the next season of 24. The gimmick is beyond its prime.

Not shocked at all by the Tiger Woods affair storylines. Nor is he shocked by Nordic wife's response. My family heritage is Nordic, and a lot of people in Minnesota are. Those women can be downright crazy when they need to be. And have freakishly strong golf swings.

Every year my dad gives me a joke gift for Christmas: a new Christmas tie with a sound device that plays a random holiday song. I finally found a use for it last weekend when my friends and I went to the bars wearing them along with our ugly X-Mas sweaters. The cabbie was thoroughly irritated with those ties by then end of the cab ride.

Thank you Amazon.com. I have not had to step foot in one department store for holiday gift shopping and have to deal with hundreds of other people shopping and a long line to check out. And free super saver shipping!

I had Taco Bell before 11 am today. Is this the equivalent of an alcoholic drinking before noon?

Letters of Recommendation from Teachers Who Don't Remember Me.

So I took my LSAT's last Saturday. That is part of the reason I have not blogged any blogs recently. I've spent a solid month and a half being relatively studious and devoting time to develop possible schooling paths and not pursuing other less fruitful hobbies. But it's over now! Or at least it seems like it. Next week I'll be looking at schools to apply to and hitting up old professors for letters of recommendation. Which seems grossly irrelevant and tedious, but a friend of mine said that unless you are damn near a decade out of school, you need to have a letter of recommendation from a professor from your college. I am only halfway to the decade mark, so I guess I'll be killing two birds with one icy snowball when I visit my hometown of Minneapolis later this month. I figure this involves sending out a few emails to first test the waters with college professors. Something harmless enough to make them curious enough to see how their former student has made out in the cold cruel world.

" Hi (fill in the blank professor),
I am going to be visiting Minnesota soon for the holidays soon and..."

Of course they'll read it as blah blah blah trying to figure out who the hell I am:
Who is this Flower kid? ... Marketing class? I had like seventy-five students that year. Presentation on Russell Simmons... GOT IT. He wore the Colt45 shirt to the presentation. Yeah, I remember him. Why not go meet him for a coffee/beer.
(side note - I did wear a colt45 shirt to a presentation on Def Jam/Phat Farm. It was a damn good presentation too)

So I figure the ambush of a letter of recommendation has to be tactful and manipulative. Both things I am very poor at. I tend to be very blunt. The smart approach would be something like this:

Professor X: Thanks for the beer. So California huh? Tell me all about it.
Me: Well I wanted to broaden my horizons and grow up a little outside of the Midwest and found some great work experience in Fox and DirecTV's advertising departments. Ultimately I decided that I wanted to pursue a career in law. I just took my LSAT's and am starting to apply for law school at schools a, b, and c.
Prof X: That's very good! Sounds like you have it all figured out.
Me: Thanks! I want to let you know that you were an important part of my intellectual and professional development and it would be an honor if you would do me the favor of writing me a letter of recommendation.
Prof X: Of course I will!

Knowing me though, I'll lose all composure and turn into my usual blunt and honest self.

Prof X: So California huh?
Me: Yeah, I quit my job at DirecTV cause I hated L.A. I quit a job in the middle of a recession. I serve coffee now. I serve coffee dammit!
Prof X: Oh...barista huh?
Me: I'm applying for law school. You need to give me a letter of recommendation. I need this. I NEED THIS!!!
Prof X: You need to take your hands of my collar and stop shaking me. You're scaring me.

Optimistically, I'll win them over with my colorful description of my post-college experiences and flatter them with admiration. I'll take a pity recommendation if it comes down to it though.

First I'll have to figure out what schools I can get into with my LSAT score, then pick some schools to apply to over my week and a half trip home. I'll also have to do this while undergoing a gauntlet of visiting family, married friends, and unmarried friends in the frosty tundra that is my hometown. But that's another blog for another time.