Celebrities!!!

As all deep conversations go over the course of a long night and several drinks, this one didn't go well. I have also realized that I am a terrible conversationalist when I have a couple cocktails, but that is a whole different mess about how I am extremely blunt and have little to no tact. So anyway, this conversation began with me on a rant about dead celebrities. I hypothesized (is that the correct term for having no inner monologue on a Saturday night?) that there is a vast difference in the effects of celebrity's deaths based on what sex they are. I made the point that when a male celebrity dies, their lives are celebrated more by the public than most female celebrities. When it came out of my mouth, I am sure I didn't say it right and made it sound totally sexist, but I can at least write about it now after a week or so of thinking how I should phrase it, but it will still probably come out awfully sexist. Of course celebrities being celebrated and remembered in general is inane and stupid because aside from entertaining you and making a ton of money off their fame, they have impacted most of our lives to the effect of almost nothing.

Female celebrities are remembered for what they looked like in their prime years. Male celebrities icons are remembered for their personality and what they brought to the public. I do not mean to say that women are any less important than men at all. I am just saying, that female celebrities are icons because of solely their looks. The inebriated girl I was explaining this to was not happy to hear it at all. She told me to lay out some examples. I replied by saying Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died at almost the same time. Remember that? Farrah Fawcett died recently amongst the Swayze's and MJ's. She told me it wasn't fair since Jackson was one of the biggest pop icons of all time. Ok. That's fair. I came back that Billy Mays was bigger news than Farrah Fawcett dying. Now she was getting a little belligerent, but could not refute the fact that an infomercial man's death was more well known and "mourned" than one of Charlie's Angels. Then I proceeded to try and get her to name one dead female celebrity that had a more popular death since Anne Nicole Smith. Uhh. Just one, come on. Anyone that comes to mind. She responded by simply saying "One inch penis!"

"What?"

"ONE INCH PENIS!!!"

I'm sure this was directed to me, but the whole car was a little flabbergasted by the defense mechanism yelling that out loud for apparently no other reason than having nothing more to argue on the other subject. And as much as it would be funny if she was right, I am sure I am the textbook definition of average in the nether-regions. Regardless, the girl was probably t-minus one drink away from zzzz and I was in dire need of some grocery store frozen pizza, so the subject was dropped and most likely forgotten by the other party the next morning. My roommate still finds the whole thing funny. Quick side note on the whole Anne Nicole thing. It baffles me to this day. The girl was a thin to fat to thin to kinda fat junky with no brain cells. People wanted her to be the next Marilyn Monroe for no other reason than she sort of looked like her in a weird way. This is a fat cow that used to be a playmate who then married an old man on his deathbed and got a lot of money. Really? This is what the constant headlines were about? Did nothing better happen in the news that month? Then the whole thing with who got the money in the will and who was the father of the kid...ugh. It all disgusts me still.

Either way, I tried to think of what female celebrities could die today to make it a more popular story than Anne-Nicole Smith. Like front of newspapers and cnn.com popular. I decided it had to be Angelina Jolie and Oprah. Why Jolie? She is the hottest, most well-known American actress right now. Tons of charity work, no one cares. Adopted children, no one but those kids care. Bat**** crazy past with the sorts of Billy Bob, estranged father Jon Voight, and those sexy movies. Yup. That's what we'll remember. Oprah on the other hand is a great philanthropist (as blowhardy as she can be), encourages stuff like reading books, and is a role model to a lot women and African-Americans. Oh, and she is filthy rich. So in all reality, Oprah is the only legitimate female figure whose death would affect the public in a drastic manner. I'm not saying there aren't women whose deaths we wouldn't celebrate, there just aren't many the public has a relationship with that isn't based on purely superficial beauty reasons.